CritelliComedy
Mike Critelli's ever-expanding catalog of comedic and non-comedic content
THE CARDS.jpg

THE CARDS

THE CARDS

"My fiancée doesn’t believe in fortune tellers," the girl says.

"That’s fine," the old man says. He tilts the pack of Tarot Cards into his hand and begins shuffling. He sees her engagement ring. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," the boy says.

* * *

The old man sets the first card on the table: Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden with an angel overhead. The Lovers. The girl takes her fiancée’s hand.

The old mans says, "The Lovers has two potential meanings. The first is romantic love. The second is a life-altering decision." He smiles. "The meaning, here, at least, seems fairly obvious."

* * *

The old man places a second card over the first: a King on a throne, holding a sword. "This is a man who uses his knowledge of rules and structures...-"

"-My fiancée’s a lawyer," the girl volunteers.

"This particular card is reversed, so its energy is weak, or corrupted. This man uses his intellect to prove his dominance. He may have a dark side, or be quick to anger."

"Oh."

The old man places a third card below the first two. "This is the basis for the present situation. The Hierophant refers to… Are either of you religious, by the way?"

"My parents were. He’s not. We haven’t discussed how we’ll raise our children-"

"-Okay," the boy says. "Let’s move on."

* * *

The old man sets a fourth card counterclockwise around the cross. "This is an influence receding into the past: Four of Wands. Excitement. A celebration."

"That’s… going away?"

The boy interrupts. "Listen. This is just like horoscopes, crystals, or any other New Age BS. I can tell fortunes too." He takes a piece of scrap paper from his pocket and reads from it: "'You have a great need for people to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of unused capacity, which you have not turned to your advantage.'" He stops reading. "Is that accurate?"

"I’d say so."

"What about you?" the boy asks the old man.

"Sure."

"Because what I just read, 95% of people agree with. You tell them it’s a personality profile designed just for them, but really it's just a series of vague statements. It’s called The Forer Effect. Tarot cards, horoscopes, religion… it’s all The Forer Effect. Or the Barnum Effect, for P.T. Barnum, because 'there’s a sucker born every minute.' Basically," the boy says, "people can find meaning in anything."

* * *

After a long pause, the old mans says, "I’m curious. The statement you just read, that 95% of people feel is true… is it true for you?"

"No."

"Interesting."

"Why is that interesting?"

"I couldn't tell you." The old man scratches his face. "As you said, people can find meaning in anything."